This year has helped me in so many ways. Whether I liked it or not, I had to let go of some important people in my life. I was raised that your family is family and you stick together no matter what. But come to realize even some of the people in your closest circle can hold negative space for you whether their conscious or unconscious.
Family is very important to me and especially being adopted, family, and unity is something I hold deep into myself. Being apart of something, I'm sure everyone can say they want to feel those emotions of being accepted even if its just one person. Being nourished and taken care of on an emotional and mental level is key for young children primarily at the age of 0 to 2 years.
It is essential for a child to be nourished because that determines how well they will interact with others, their confidence, etc. You may look up more research on that topic if you would like more information on the psychology behind it. Growing up I had never felt accepted due to my knowledge of being adopted.
Of course, I was loved like anyone else without a doubt but I struggled with identity and feeling wanted for a very long time. Due to my abandonment issues as I child, I would push people away and allow toxic influences to control my life one way or the other. I had not realized how deep I had dug myself until this year. At age 22 going into 23, I had realized the mental damage that I allowed myself to endure due to this allowance of toxicity to become apart of my life.
It's difficult for some people to let go of negative influences because you'd rather one person whether you realize the individual is toxic or not than no one. To give credit also to people who don't even realize they cause so much chaos in their own lives and others. It takes self-awareness to admit you have toxic traits and to work on it.
I myself had to look myself in the mirror and ask myself why had I attract such people? Was I this naive? Why did people think they can walk all over me? I had realized I always held a guilty conscious and would do anything so people can accept me. I had realized I had caused my OWN mess due to a lack of confidence and self-worth. Trust me I still struggle now with who is right for me, and who is not, but the first step is being aware and then handle with precaution.
You have to ask yourself, are these people contributing to my successes or failure? Are they there for me when I need it, or contribute to my sadness? It's hard to asses who is right and wrong for you especially when you've held yourself at a low standard for all your life, but its time to take action. If these people manipulate and control you, its time to cut the cord. Remember you feel stuck but in reality, you aren't. You have to get serious about the people you want in your life. And what type of life do you want to live? Where you're constantly walking on eggshells or you finally take the stance and say NO MORE!
I'm telling you when I finally started to stick up for myself, people did not take me seriously due to my lack of self-worth. Remember people can feel your vulnerability and unfortunately some people really do feed off of it. It's going to take a while but always stick up for yourself and remember you come first before anyone else!! You need to asses too, who is worth sticking up for yourself and who you should just ghost and pretend they never existed. Some people don't deserve any explanation from you, but it's up to you to decide such fate.
You're worth it and always has been! Even if no one has told you that, remember you have yourself. Start telling yourself every day how much you love yourself and how much you're worth it because you are!!!! If this is difficult and trust me it is, seek help! Seek therapy, maybe join some hobbies that will elevate your confidence, join a gym, get that dream body going !! Anything that will help boost your mood, and elevate those good emotions please do it! It will save you, your mind and heart.
It is very important to let go of negative influences, do it for your mental sake. Remember you can only perform at the level based on how you feel. Cutting off family members who are toxic is essential too. I know this was a tough one for myself but it had to be done. Just because it's your blood doesn't mean you need to stick around if it's costing you, your mental health. I know we tend to give explanations to the people we care about, so if you feel it's appropriate to have a talk with that person and explain how you feel, maybe they weren't aware of how they were treating you, but if they can't acknowledge their own faults, then its time to let go.
Remember you're letting go in the name of self-love. Be selfish in who you bring into your life, and who stays regardless of family or not. I know we all have heard the saying blood is thicker than water but remember if it's costing you peace let it go.
Remember to always do right by you! No matter who it is, as long as they are bringing more happiness than pain.
"One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself." -Shannon L. Adler
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