Today I wanted to talk about the importance of having healthy relationships in your life. Whether it be a great connection between you and your family, your partner, your kids, friends, etc. Whatever relationships that are significant in your life, ask yourself do they bring value? Are you happy when they are around? Do you help one another? The questions go on and on but I want you to just sit with these questions for a sec and think about the closest relationships you have and what each contributes to your life.
Let me start off by defining the term; Healthy Relationship- allow both partners to feel supported and connected but still feel independent.. speaking openly to one another about thoughts and feelings. Feel heard when expressing feelings. Listen to each other and compromise. Now don't get confused, it may say partners when I looked up the meaning of healthy relationships, but in my blog today the word partner means any two people that have any type of relationship intimate or not.
I can discuss this topic all day long because I've gone through so many, healthy, unhealthy relationships just like all of you have I assume. I struggled a lot in my early years when it came to defining someone who was healthy for me whether it be dating, friendship, and family relationships. As I discuss in my other blogs sometimes, I was adopted and struggled for a long time bonding with people. I would form a relationship and if I felt the other person and I would get too close, I would back off, become defensive, and eventually, the relationship would crumble.
I never understood that part about myself until I was in therapy. My therapist at the time knew all about adopted children and their struggle with abandonment issues. She had told me I had separation issues as well, especially when I was younger, I would cling to my mother and if she tried to let go, I would throw a tantrum in fear of her leaving for good. For a long time, I tried and tried to form "solid" relationships only to be rejected, hurt, let down, and betrayed. I felt like me trying to work out my issues in terms of abandonment was backfiring!
Here I am trying to make friends, have connections and all I get is let down, either by the other person or my own actions. It really wasn't until my early 20's that I noticed my toxic behavior when it came to forgiving others and allowing them back into my life despite all the crap. I always thought I had so many friends, I was quite popular at work but in reality, I only had a few solid friends that were there for me.
It was hard to face the truth that not all relationships in my life were healthy, and if I were to elevate myself, I had to do some hard let going. And not only did that go for friends but the family as well. It's hard when all you want to do is surround yourself with people no matter what, to feel apart of something, but if those people don't have your best interest at heart, its time to move on.
It took a lot of will and grace to face some people that I thought would be in my corner forever, but I knew in order to keep moving up in my world if I really loved myself and wanted what's best, I knew I had to say goodbye. Now I am all for people changing and once we see their change, slowly the relationship can start to develop again, but you have to choose those wisely as well. People may say they've changed, but it's their actions that is the changed behavior, not their words.
Now let's talk about the healthiness of our relationship with oneself. Let me ask you... Are you happy? I know that may seem very broad, but at this moment are you happy? Are you happy with what you can control such as, your emotions, actions, your words? If you honestly nodded no, its time to build a healthy relationship with yourself my friend. Remember you set the tone in all of your relationships! What I mean by that is, what you allow, how people treat you, the way they talk to you, you're setting that tone to the level of respect people have for you.
Funny enough that whole "it starts within" corny stuff, I always thought it was crap but once I got older, and realized the same pattern of toxic encounters, the lightbulb went off in my head, and realized I had allowed this energy!! I had to look myself in the mirror and start working on the relationship with myself! Every mistake I made, every guilty action I had done, I had to forgive myself for not knowing better, and allow myself to just be loved by me.
Trust me, this isn't a walk in the park, nor is it ever going to stop, but taking that initial step and holding yourself accountable for how you treated yourself and, allowing others to treat you is the way to step into a new world to build a better foundation of self-love and, let healthy people and energy flow.
Sit with yourself after reading and get honest about how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. Think about every relationship and the value they all have. It's up to you to determine what and who you will allow being in your life. Remember you are golden, and some people may want to be apart of your world to try and steal that shine, but your ultimate fate rests with you, my friends.
"Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are."
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